Disclaimer:
No cricket stumps were harmed in the making of this blog. Any technical inaccuracies about the rules of cricket are entirely the fault of the author’s nationality and complete bewilderment at the concept of “overs,” “wickets,” and why everyone claps politely when someone gets out. Please direct any corrections to the ECB or possibly Legoland.

You know that rare feeling when you look ahead at your weekend and think, “Ahhh, peace, quiet, maybe even some time to tidy the garage or build a Lego Death Star.” Well, this wasn’t one of those weekends.

With my wife on hospital duty (thanks NHS rota gods), Daddy Daycare was officially in session.

Saturday was predictable: a bit of swimming, a lot of Lego, and a battle to the death with a rogue Sonic The Hedgehog instruction booklet.

Then Sunday happened.

Apparently, our son was destined to make his cricketing debut.

A quick backstory: he recently started the All Stars Cricket sessions, mostly to burn off energy and hopefully stop reenacting Federer vs Nadal in our living room.

His tennis teammate Henry plays for Ilton CC (near Ilminster), coached by his dad James. As fate would have it, they were one player short for an Under-10s cup match.

Cue a few WhatsApp pings from James, and suddenly our Lego engineer was turning into a budding all-rounder. After a quick “You up for it?” chat with our son (who responded with a confident nod and a mouth full of Coco Pops), it was settled.

Meet at James’ house at 9am. Game on.

Upon arrival, we were told—rather casually—that this was no ordinary friendly. Oh no. This was a Cup Match in the Mid-Wessex Cricket League. I nodded sagely, pretending this meant something to me. Spoiler: it didn’t.

Let me be upfront: I’m German. I don’t understand cricket. At all. Not the rules, not the scoring, not when to clap politely or gasp dramatically. I didn’t even know who was winning half the time, but everyone seemed to be having fun, so I followed suit.

The match was held in Chard, and James immediately got our son bowling in the nets. After a few throws he gave me a reassuring, “He’ll be fine.” That’s either classic British optimism or code for “He won’t break anything.”

As best as I could understand, the match format was 16 overs, each with six balls. Every player had to bowl twice. Chard won the toss and decided to bowl first.

Our son went in to bat. To my completely untrained eye, he looked great. He even took a ball to the hip like a true warrior to stop it from hitting the stumps. (Apparently in U10 cricket, body blocks don’t get you out. Who knew?) He didn’t score any runs, and he did get bowled out, but the crowd (me) was proud.

Ilton’s innings finished at 269—starting from 200, because of course it does.

Then came bowling. Our son stepped up and… actually bowled someone out. I cheered so loudly that even the umpire looked mildly alarmed. His tennis mate Henry went one better and got a hat-trick of dismissals. Future Ashes squad? Maybe. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to stop Chard from reaching 277—sneaking the win by just 8 runs.

Considering Ilton were a player short and had to field with extra ground to cover, it was a heroic effort. The spirit, the teamwork, the questionable sunburn—it had it all.

And more importantly, our son loved it. He’s already buzzing for Tuesday evening’s All Stars training, now armed with the confidence (and hip bruise) from his first real match.

If you’re a cricket fan—or just want to see what a German dad looks like totally out of his depth—here’s the official scorecard:
👉 Chard vs Ilton U10 Result

As for me? I’m off to Google “cricket scoring for dummies” and buy some padded shorts. Just in case.