Disclaimer

This blog describes the strategic containment of imaginary global pandemics performed by 24 adults in a Holiday Inn function room on a Friday evening. No actual clinical guidelines were followed. No CPD points were gained. Any resemblance to real infection control practice is coincidental and, in several cases, deeply concerning.

Last night was the much-anticipated Pandemic Survival Tournament at the Holiday Inn in Taunton. If you’re imagining a sombre public health conference, don’t. Imagine instead a group of adults enthusiastically discussing how best to prevent mass extinction, while surrounded by carpet designed to hide every known stain.

Stephen, operating as a one-man WHO logistics hub, managed to gather enough Pandemic sets to stage what can only be described as an international disease control symposium — but with slightly more laughter.

After a long week of on-call, I made it to the venue just before 7pm, showered, fed, and mentally prepared to save humanity with cardboard pawns and coloured cubes.

The Teams

– Scott & Mike

– Sophie & Andy

– Paul R & Amelia

– Gary & Valda

– Jason & Giles

– Katherine & Ian J

– Andrew & Simon

– Joy & Emma S

– Rob & Lee S

– Emma H & Sarah

– Joe & Ryan

– Laura & Lee

A full epidemiological strike force — NHS England wishes it had this level of staff retention.

Game Setup and Rules

Each team received the same board state and the same card draws, meaning outcomes were determined entirely by strategy (or lack thereof). This was pure skill. Which made what happened next much funnier.

Roles assigned:

– Quarantine Specialist

– Dispatcher

I was the Dispatcher for our team. My job was to appear confident and move Scott to various corners of the Globe. A surprisingly familiar professional dynamic.

All event cards were removed except two:

– Airlift

– Build a Research Station

In other words, we entered the tournament with the strategic flexibility of a medium-size stone.

The Opening Strategy

We actually had one. We used words like ‘containment’, ‘resource control’, and ‘prioritisation’. It was beautiful. Elegant. Rational.

It probably lasted exactly one full round.

The First Eliminations

Before the first epidemic, not a single black cube appeared — a trap. Then disaster struck.

First outs:

– Gary & Valda

– Scott & Mike (yes, us)

We ran out of red cubes. Despite having already cured red. We were one card-hand-off from curing blue. The virus simply said: ‘No.’

To truly deepen the comedy:

The only clinically trained participants in the room were also the first two teams eliminated.

Outstanding.

Mid-game Comfort Break

People wandered to the bar. Others stared into the existential abyss. Someone stretched like they were preparing for a triathlon. Spirits recovered. But not ours.

The Spiral

Teams fell rapidly. Stress levels rose. Someone described the later game as ‘puckered butt clenching time’, which is not officially recognised terminology but is definitely accurate.

The Survivors

After nearly two hours, only one team remained:

Katherine & Ian J — winners by survival, not cure.

They cured three diseases, outlived the rest of us, and earned well-deserved applause.

Conclusion

Stephen ran an exceptional tournament. Organisation: perfect.

Atmosphere: fantastic.

Emotional trauma: shared.

Would we do this again? Yes.

Will we play better next time? Absolutely not.

But we will loudly claim that we will — which, as we all know, is the true NHS way