Disclaimer

This blog contains mild sarcasm, tennis-parent angst, and descriptions of U9 line-calling behaviours that may cause involuntary eye-rolling. No actual children were harmed, only a few parental blood-pressure readings.

A Slight Change of Plans… Because Of Course

This weekend’s original plan was: relax, recover, maybe do absolutely nothing.
But then the weekly email from the Somerset Tennis Oracle — also known as David Kirkman — landed in my inbox.

And with the spontaneity of a family who really should know better by now, we sent a hopeful reply: “Any chance our son can still enter the Frome tournament?”

Amazingly… the answer was yes.
And with that, a peaceful weekend evaporated faster than a Wimbledon umbrella in light drizzle.

So Saturday morning became an 8.45am departure from Taunton, cruising along the A303 and A37 towards Frome Selwood Club.

For the record, David did not answer my very reasonable question about whether this would be indoor or outdoor, which is kind of critical information in November when Somerset weather enjoys cosplaying as all four seasons simultaneously.

Spoiler: it was outdoor. Of course it was.

Group Stages, Slippery Courts & Warm-Up Politics

After registration, I warmed up with our son while my wife handled the social diplomacy of talking to other parents.
Format of the day:

• Two groups of five
• Top two into the semis
• Everyone else fights it out for placements
• One set to 10, win by two at 9-9
  Classic U9 chaos, but organised.

Match 1 – vs Clement Briot

Somerset U10, solid player, confident lad.
Our son? Slightly cautious after slipping during the first few rallies on what we will politely call a “character-building” surface.

He started his usual slow-burn routine (patent pending) and went 2–6 down before finally waking up and fighting back to 6–7.
Final score: 8–10.
Not terrible. Not amazing. And not appreciated by our son, who came off the court with the emotional spectrum of a retired Bond villain.

Match 2 – vs Noa Roe-Smith

Cue pep talk.
Cue eye roll from child.
Cue improved performance anyway.

He stormed to 7–1, then generously allowed Noa to level to 7–7 before closing it out 10–7. Apparently the petrol tank of the opposition was running on vapours by then.

Match 3 – vs Teo Bakker

One player withdrew, so this was the last group match.
Our son led 9–7… then it became 9–9… then somehow our son stayed calm while Teo’s nerves burst into flames.
Result: 11–9 win, finishing 2nd in the group.

Progress.

Semis: The Avon Etiquette Mystery

He drew Peter Goldsmith, an U9 Avon player with an approach to manners that… let’s say… needs a firmware update.

Look, I get it — competition, adrenaline, pressure, tiny humans with big emotions.
But manners matter.
And ideally, you should not be able to tell whether a child has won or lost based solely on their exit performance from the court.

Sadly, not the case here.

There were at least two highly questionable line calls from Peter — the sort where you and your spouse exchange the exact same facial expression but say absolutely nothing because Tennis Parent Rule 1: Do not interfere.

Our son lost 9–11 after being 9–8 up.

And yes — the smirk told us everything we needed to know.

Our son? Heartbroken.
Cue tears, hugs, and the classic “tennis is tough” parental mantra.

3rd Place Play-Off: Redemption via Backhand

He faced Ashton Griffiths for 3rd place and, to his credit, bounced back beautifully.
Good mindset. Good level.
Won 10–7 without too much drama.

Final position: 3rd overall, but obviously he was still annoyed because children don’t really do “perspective.”

And Then: The Parking Ticket Plot Twist

Walking back to the car, my wife calmly pointed at something yellow flapping under the windscreen wiper.

A parking ticket.
Issued because I parked too close to a pedestrian crossing.

Quick investigation revealed:

• Zig-zag lines clearly present
• Me clearly at fault
• £35 if paid promptly
• £70 if not
• Fantastic.

Truly, the cherry on top of a long tennis day.

Future Tournament Plans

We’ve withdrawn from next week’s Ivybridge tournament.
Next outing will be 20 December at Blackbrook (Grade 3). A festive treat.

And — naturally — both Bath’s unofficial U9 villain Stefan Boffin and this blog’s recurring character Peter Goldsmith are already signed up.

Can’t wait.