Disclaimer

This article contains cricket terminology interpreted through the eyes of a German father who still thinks “16 overs” sounds like an instruction manual, “wides” should probably come with road markings, and “starting on 200 runs” feels like the sporting equivalent of everyone getting a participation trophy before the match has even begun. Any errors in cricket law are entirely mine. Any successful bowling is entirely Ilton’s.

The sporting adventure in the Richardt household is, apparently, never ending.

Some families have weekends. We have logistics.

After Saturday’s tennis tournament win in Frome — because obviously one competitive sporting event is not enough for one child within a 48-hour period — Sunday morning brought the next chapter: cricket for Ilton against Ilminster in the U10 Mid Wessex League.

Naturally, this meant no long lie-in, no lazy breakfast, and certainly no quiet Sunday morning involving coffee and a vague attempt at domestic normality. Instead, we left the house at around 8.30am to get to James’ house, as James had once again very kindly offered to drive. On the way, we collected Ted, another tennis county player who has now joined the mighty Ilton cricket machine.

Because nothing says “balanced childhood” like county tennis one day and league cricket the next.

From there, we drove to Ilminster in time for warm-up, team organisation and the usual parental activity of standing around pretending to understand what is happening.

For the U10 Mid Wessex League, you ideally need eight players. Ilton had seven, so Ilminster very sportingly lent us a player for the fielding. That was a lovely gesture and very much in keeping with the atmosphere of the morning. Yes, it was a league match. Yes, people wanted to win. But the whole thing was played in a friendly spirit, with excellent sportsmanship from both sides.

This is always nice to see. Especially when you are still trying to work out whether “fine leg” is a cricket position or a compliment.

The match was played over 16 overs, with six balls in each over. So far, so good. Even I, as a German, can follow this.

Mostly.

This also means each player bowls twice. However, because Ilminster had kindly lent us a player, he quite understandably did not have to bowl against his own club. This meant one Ilton player bowled three overs instead.

Again, perfectly logical.

Cricket, I am learning, is a sport where everything makes sense once someone has explained it six times, drawn a diagram, consulted a village elder, and then corrected themselves because “actually in this format it’s slightly different”.

From what I understand, Ilton won the toss and decided to bat first. Being one player short meant the final batting pair had to be decided by who had faced the fewest balls. This is the sort of thing that makes sense in cricket and nowhere else.

Each team starts on 200 runs. If you are dismissed, your team loses five runs. If you hit the ball over the boundary, you get four runs. Again, this is me explaining cricket from a German perspective, so please imagine a man with a clipboard, a mild headache and absolutely no historical cricket education.

The Ilton team consisted of our son, Ted, Edward S., Toto, Joseph, Beauden and Ethan. During the batting innings, Joseph faced the fewest balls, so he went in again. Perfectly normal. Nothing to see here. Just children rotating through a batting order like a spreadsheet with pads.

Ilton batted well and finished on 282 runs. There were two dismissals, meaning 10 runs were deducted, giving Ilton a final score of 272.

Apparently, this is a good score.

I say “apparently” because I am still at the stage where I smile, nod and wait for someone who has grown up with cricket to tell me whether I should be pleased or concerned.

The two dismissals were both our son, if I remember correctly. One was particularly unlucky: the ball clipped the handle of his bat, looped over him and was caught by the wicketkeeper, who had the audacity to do his job properly.

Our son was not impressed.

This is understandable. Nobody likes getting out. Getting out because the ball has gently kissed the handle of your bat and floated into someone’s gloves feels especially rude. It is the cricketing equivalent of being betrayed by stationery.

At that point, I sent a message to my wife, who was once again working in the hospital, and informed her that Ilminster had to chase 272.

Her reply was immediate and honest:

“I don’t know what that means!!!!”

Which, to be fair, remains the most accurate summary of junior cricket scoring ever written.

I tried to explain that both teams start on 200, runs are added, wickets are deducted, and Ilton were defending 272. I suspect she still didn’t know what that meant, but she married a German who now spends Sunday mornings discussing under-10 cricket, so she has had time to adjust to disappointment.

Personally — and again, very much from a German perspective — I do not think the main strength of the Ilton U10 team is necessarily the batting.

It is the bowling.

The boys, and the girls when involved, do very well on the bowling side of things. Edward S., Ted, Beauden and our son are genuinely decent bowlers, with the others not far behind. Henry, who did not play on Sunday, would also be firmly in that first category.

Ted was probably the pick of the bunch on Sunday. Very good technique, quick, accurate and composed. Basically everything I am not when trying to understand cricket scoring.

At this level, bowling can vary dramatically. Some children can land the ball consistently. Others send it in the general direction of Somerset and hope for divine intervention. But what stood out with Ilton was how few wides they bowled.

I think a wide gives the batting team two runs in this format, although, as mentioned several times, I am German and therefore only around 61% confident in this statement.

But the principle is clear enough: if you bowl accurately and with a bit of pace, you put pressure on the batter. At U10 level, that pressure matters. The ball comes in straight, the batter has to make a decision, the fielders are awake, and suddenly things start happening.

That, ultimately, was the difference.

Ilminster scored 74 runs off the bat. Starting from 200, that took them to 274. However, they were dismissed four times, which meant 20 runs were deducted, giving them a final score of 254.

Ilton therefore won by 18 runs.

I know. I also needed a moment.

The dismissals came from various players — Ted, Edward S., Beauden and our son — which showed the strength across the team. It was not one player carrying the bowling. It was a proper team effort.

And that is probably the most pleasing part. At this age, you do not really want everything resting on one child. You want everyone contributing, everyone learning, everyone getting involved, and ideally everyone leaving with the same number of limbs they arrived with.

Ilton did exactly that.

The win means Ilton have now won three from three and sit at the top of the league, followed by North Perrott, who they play at home on Sunday.

No pressure, obviously.

This coming Sunday will also be the first time my wife gets to see our son play a proper cricket match. This should be interesting for several reasons. Firstly, she will finally witness the sport that has been quietly colonising our calendar. Secondly, she will see that our son’s bowling is actually rather good. And thirdly, she may need another parent nearby to explain what on earth is going on.

Because, as already established, I am German.

I can explain tennis. I can explain martial arts. I can even explain board game scoring systems involving resource conversion, worker placement and morally questionable medieval economics.

But cricket?

Cricket is different.

Cricket starts at 200, goes to 282, deducts 10, defends 272, concedes 74, subtracts 20 and wins by 18.

And somehow everyone else nods as if this is completely normal.

Still, Ilton won. Our son bowled well. Ted looked excellent. The team spirit was superb. Ilminster were generous and sporting. The weather behaved. Nobody required a hospital admission. And by Sunday lunchtime, another Richardt household sporting chapter had been completed.

Until next week.

When apparently we do it all again.

Because rest, as we have now established, is for families without fixture lists.